WANTED - Real men of GOD

Today in NZ, fatherhood is in trouble. If the current trend continues, by 2010 half European and nearly three-quarters of Maori infants under 12 months, will be in fatherless families. Fathers are not just walking out on responsibility, there is an alarming increase in abuse.

Even ‘good’ fathers, married and living at home, on average spend very little time being fathers to their children. So there is not much left over for youth organisations like Boys Rally which are closing down all over the place – despite boys wanting to come!
All this leads to three questions I want to raise:
What has happened? Does it matter? What can be done?

What has happened?
During our lifetimes there has been a massive shift in attitude from respect for higher law to the rule of individual autonomy. Self-orientation has become the high moral ground.

Male identity. With ‘father’ no longer clearly the breadwinner, what, now, does it mean to be a father? There is no problem identifying a mothers role. A lot of it is simply spelled out by biology. However, a man can actually be (and often is) a father without even knowing it! For a father, interaction with his children is certainly not inevitable. Is he needed? Should he hang around?

Negative image. Do our boys come out of the education system feeling really good about being male and becoming fathers? Or suspect? Likely abusers? As abuse gets worse the male image goes further into a downward spiral. Are we as a society doing something which brings out the worst in men as fathers? Certainly there are many comic strips and TV programmes rubbishing fathers in a way we would not tolerate if aimed at mothers. There is some good humour in all this. At times we do need to have some mickey taken out of us. But it goes beyond that.

When fatherhood is honoured, then we can lampoon, ridicule and revile those who choose the path of abuse, perversion and abandonment. But not if we rubbish fathers and then turn maleness aside from its God-given channels.

Does it matter?
In answer to this question I want to share three Bible verses.
Firstly Malachi 4:6 – the last verse in the Old Testament. It is very strong.. “The prophet Elijah) will turn the hearts of the fathers back to their children, and the hearts of the children to the fathers, or else I will come and strike the land with a curse.” When father-child relationship disintegrates the situation is terminal! It heralds the disintegration of social order.

Secondly, back to the beginning of the Old Testament – Genesis 18:19 “For I have chosen him (Abraham) so that he will direct his children and his household after him to keep the way of the Lord by doing what is right and just so that the Lord will bring about for Abraham what He has promised him.”
Fathers are given the primary responsibility to pass on the principles of life and blessing. I’ll just mention three of the benefits of a father being actively involved:

The father’s active presence backs up the mother and demonstrated the respect he expects the son to show his mother and other women. He helps a boy to establish mutually respectful boundaries with her and so with all women/
Father’s can control the behaviour of teenage boys. Without adult males actively involved, these boys cane be easily influenced by their peers into anti-social behaviour and become a danger to society.
Most importantly it is the fathers unique role to set an example or right moral choice. Though he could leave the mother carrying the baby and head for Aussie, he hangs in there because it is the ‘right and just’ thing to do! The fact that a world which worships individual autonomy makes slobs of men (just like boys under-perform at school under slack discipline). Under the discipline and commitment of life-long marriage men are at their best.

Thirdly, Ephesians 3:14-15.. “For this reason I kneel before the father, from whom all fatherhood in heaven and on earth derives its name.” Beyond father Abraham is Father God. In the Christian world-view, fathers point to Him. They stand in His place and represent His order and authority (cp. 1 Cor 11:3). They give the family a framework to live within.

So, fathers, you can fill a slot in your lads’ lives no one else on earth can fill. Or on the other hand, you can do more harm than any other! You are uniquely capable of marring the image of God in your children’s hearts.

What can be done?
How can we change the image of the father hood? How can we make it the thing for a guy to do?

Many societies have/had initiation rites to educate and help men. To give them identity, to capture the male imagination. “Now you are a man. This is what is expected.”

Stoics and some North American Indians went through intense torture. This gave them confidence that they could face any hardship without fear. That’s what being a man meant to them. Similar “rites of passage” occur in some modern “gang” initiations.

In Israel at the age of 12 boys went through “Bar Mitzvar”. As a part of this they needed to quote considerable parts of the Torah. Part of their job as men was now to pass this on. In the early church certain rituals were put in place to identigy and uphold man’s/father’s unique responsibilities.

Our society does not have any such rites. Indeed we spend more energy actually trying to wipe out any idea of the uniqueness of being a man and father. This leaves a serious question: How can we best encourage man to take up the spiritual responsibility of fatherhood? How can we emphasise its importance? We must strongly affirm it if we are to stem the tide. For real change we must start by changing the culture.

Make a big ask
The Bible does. Appeal to the spirit of adventure and heroism which is strong in young men. They will take risks (on the negative side of this, six times the number of young men are killed on the roads than young women). Uphold the true heroism of choosing genuine Christian marriage commitment. Just because it is the right thing to do. Have the courage to stand against the tide – “till death us do part”. That is impressive. That is being a man. That is a father at his best, something to aim for. Add to that a firm, unswerving, clear-eyed “NO” to abuse, perversion, and pornography. They are man-killers.

You can do it!
Spend time with your kids. You are a natural hero to them. They want you to be. Don’t let them down. Trust dies real hard in a kid’s heart. They are willing to be very forgiving. Just give them your time. Freely.

Boys Rally has the added potential of making a difference in the lives of boys who have lacked a male role model or who have only known very bad modelling. You, like many men, may be struggling with a lot of male pain and confusion. You may not feel willing to put your hand up. This article is making a big ask of you that you in turn may make a big ask of boys in your community. Show them boys are great. Inspire them with the prime responsibility of upholding “what is right and just”. It has to happen. Everyone needs to be saying this. Encouraging men back out of the woodwork to have a go. It is worth it. You are not second rate.